New Normal

A girl on my online loss group asked today "How long is this going to suck for?" I admire her openness to asking such a simple, yet possibly so deep, question.

The question prompted me to do some thinking of my own. There are few times in life where I have been able to say that something truly, deeply, just downright sucks. The death of my best friend 2 years ago is one time (though I would describe that in deeper words such as pure devastation) and my miscarriage (and aftermath) is another time.

Some days it sucks. Other days it is sad. And then there are the days (which are many) where I am feeling really good.

Overall I would just describe this process as "my new normal." No one can really prepare you for the emotional toll that a miscarriage takes on you. A few weeks post miscarriage I thought I felt like I was "in a good place" though I'm realizing that statement is only relative to the place you were in the previous day. Each week that passes does bring me to a better place, though I know that there may be some bumps along the road of healing. I am told that the memory never goes away, nor would I want it to, and that there will always be a small place in my heart for "what could have been." I am taking this experience as an opportunity to walk away with a few lessons that I can take with me in my journey ahead.

A few of the lessons:

• Don't try to outsmart Mother Nature. You can plan all you want, but Mother Nature gets the final call.
• It is ok to be sad for yourself at the same time as being happy for someone else.
• Friends can come from all over and walk in to your life for all reasons (thanks TB ladies!).
• All of our paths in life to what we want will differ. Some will be short and smooth and others may be long and bumpy.
• People do strange things in the face of loss and grief. I cannot expect someone to understand what I have gone through if they have not walked in my shoes.
• Men sometimes just won't be able to understand! It is not that they don't want to, but they are just wired differently.
• Sushi, wine, and some cookie dough are often the best type of medicine!