July 3rd is just around the corner and instead of packing a bag for the hospital, I'll be packing a bag to head down to the shore. This isn't how things were supposed to be, but it is just the way things ARE.
I have mixed emotions about next week and what to expect. Will I be sad on Wednesday because I should have been delivering my 1st child? Will I wake up as if it just any normal day? Will Eric feel a sense of loss that day? I really do not know what to expect about how I will feel and I am trying hard to not put any expectations on that day.
Milestones dates, I have realized, can be tough. Just last week, on June 23rd, I was saddened by the thought that I should have been celebrating my best friend's 30th birthday that day. Her life was tragically cut short at the age of 27 and since then there have been many milestones during which I have shed some tears. The tears come from a place of missing her, but also from the "should haves" and would haves."
I don't know what next week will bring, but I am going into it with no expectations and no pressures.
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