2 Sided Healing Process

In my original post, I discussed my miscarriage from a medical and physical standpoint. I was fortunate after my D&E to have very little pain and was able to get back to normal activities within a few days. I had looked forward to being able to get back to running, as that proved to be a great outlet for my healing process.

The emotional side of the healing process is a totally different ballgame. Pregnancy hormones remain in your body for a few weeks after the mm/c and D&E, so needless to say I was, and still am, on a complete roller coaster. Ever hear how women can seem "crazy" while they are pregnant? Well, I pretty much fit that stereotype in the weeks after my mm/c. The pregnancy hormones were dropping quickly, coupled with just the general sadness and aftermath of my loss. Finding out you are miscarrying is like being on top of the world, looking forward to this new future ahead, only to have it taken from you in a matter of minutes.

Eric and I had been so excited for our new arrival expected on July 3, 2013. While we only had 9 short weeks to enjoy the idea of becoming parents soon, we had started to really envision our future. We started thinking of what projects needed to be done in our home in preparation for a nursery, we started researching day care options, started thinking of names and we even planned a "baby-moon" to Miami (which we actually just went on this week)! So if you can imagine all of that initial excitement that was going on came to a quick stop on November 26th, you can now see how a miscarriage can take such an emotional toll on a person.

Once we were through the process of the D&E, we shared the news with our close friends and family. The support we received was tremendous at first. During that first week after our loss, we were comforted by kind words and flowers from those that we had told.

In the coming days and weeks, we continued to share the news of our loss with others that we consider to be friends. Even though we shared the news and had support, it still felt like a lonely process. I was saddened and frustrated by the initial concern that some people showed, but lack of concern (or at least that is how it appeared to me) moving forward. It's as if people thought that loss is a one day thing; you lose the baby one day, but then you are back to your normal life the next. Now of course the practical side of me knows that people meant no harm by never following up to see how I (or Eric) was doing, but it was a lonely feeling. I understand that if a person has never experienced a miscarriage, they do not understand that depth of the emotional toll it can take on you. It is a true loss.

It is now 5 weeks since my mm/c and D&E and I feel that I make a step closer to a better place with each day that passes. Not a day goes by that I don't think about how I "should have" been in my 2nd trimester now, or how I should be looking at my belly that is growing each day. I miss being pregnant, though I am hopeful that our time will come again.